Death Note Crack One Shots - Crack Note
by sallycoombs
Summary: This is a collection of crack death note fics. They range from perverted to insane. Don't like, don't read. Possible future pairings: L/Light, and others, i mean it's crack so anything could happen. I do not own death note or any of its characters.
1. Chapter 1

"Ahh!" Cried Light as he clung to L with a passion. L groaned underneath him as he tried to hold back. He bit his lip in concentration, moving his eyes from the 17 year old's face, over his shoulder and towards his ass. He stretched an arm out and wrapped it around the teen, as he strained to go deeper in an attempt to reach the spot. His face went under the man as he progressed further down toward the prodigy's chest, in order to get into a more comfortable position. Rather than stopping there, he continued towards the geniuses' crotch.

The teen groaned a little and murmured "Ryuzaki, stop" with a voice silky as a galaxy chocolate bar.

In compliancy, the man halted, face to face with the adolescent's hips. He gazed for a moment at his manhood before slowly tracing his eyes like a child's dot – to – dot picture until his dark eyes met honey orbs.

"What is it, Light ~ Kun?" he inquired in his monotone voice, a smirk plastered on his face.

"I don't think I can hold on much longer" came the boy's reply. The man chuckled under his breath.

"Oh Light ~ Kun, I'm sure you can wait for a little while, the fun is just beginning, after all." The teen huffed impatiently.

"Hurry up" he said. "All in good time" came the reply, as the obsidian haired genius reached out and placed his hand on that spot. He groaned before his limbs started to buckle.

"No!" came a desperate cry before Light collapsed onto L, sweat drenching his body. The two lay spread eagled besides one another, one with a triumphant grin, the other with an infuriated grimace.

"Again" said the brunette. "Are you sure, Light ~ Kun?" the other questioned.

"Of course" he retorted.

"Ok, it's your cue Matsuda" the detective called as they stood and readied themselves for action.

The wheel span. "Right hand blue!" called Matsuda cheerfully. This was the most intense game of twister that the task force had ever witnessed.


	2. Chapter 2

Naomi Misora excused herself for the bathroom, followed closely by Raye Penber

"Never have I ever…" Raito began, swilling the beer around in the bottom of his plastic cup. The Wammy boys, the spk and the Kira task force along with various others were crushed inside a cramped living room in their sleeping bags. L turned to the brunette he was handcuffed to.

"Well, Raito~Kun?" he questioned.

"Hang on, I'm thinking" came the reply. A blonde weapon wielding chocoholic sighed.

"We don't have all day" said Matt as he took a drag of his cigarette and rapidly pressed buttons on his game boy.

"Never have I ever…streaked when drunk!" One person took a sip. Raito turned incredulously.

"Father?!" he yelled at Sochirio. The man sighed,

"It was your mother's faut" He replied.

"I don't particularly want to know, anyway, who's next?" asked Raito. They spun the bottle in the center of the room and it landed on…..

"Ugh, why Near" mumbled Mello in hatred. The albino twirled his hair for a moment, then murmured

"Never have I ever had sex with somebody of the same sex as me". The first person to take a sip was Matt. The others looked at him with shock. The redhead then stared Mello right in the eye, who proceeded to go a shade of crimson darker than his best friend's hair.

"N-no, Matt, w-what are you looking at me for I-I-" He was cut off by the gamers' smirk.

"Hey it's nothing to be ashamed about, you were drunk after all" The blonde blushed.

"Shut up!" He yelled. Beyond got out his phone and then began showing a film of Mello and Matt making out until Mello finally took a sip.

"We shouldn't be ashamed!" there came a yell from the other side of the room, and everybody turned around to see Watari and Rodger clinking their plastic cups together before drinking a glug each of the liquid. Hey then winked at each other and everyone from Wammy House grimaced.

"Hey, don't forget us!" There came a cry from somewhere in the center of the room. Misa and Takada clinked glasses with one another, then took a swig.

"What!?" Raito yelled.

"Raito didn't treat Misa~Misa very nicely, so Misa~Misa decided to make herself happy in other ways!" Takada rolled her eyes and Mikami covered his ears in an effort to block out Misa's rambling, whilst Matsuda got a nosebleed.

Finally the bottle was spun for a third time. "L" said Near, waiting expectantly. The genius smiled, and between bites of cake murmured

"I have never…*nom*…. Killed a man". The room fell silent. First Misa took a sip. Then Raito. Then Beyond. Then Mikami. Then Takada. Then pretty much the entirety of the mafia, who in turn got shot in the head by Mello. After a sheepish pause, Mello took a sip, then Matt.

There was a pause, until Matsuda stood suddenly and chugged his drink. Everybody turned to look at him.

"…Matsuda?" Questioned Sochirio. The idiot blinked. After a pause he murmured

"…I felt left out". Many of the others rolled their eyes.

There was a thump from upstairs. After a pause, Matsuda spoke "I was wondering when Naomi and Raye would finish in the bathroom. I'm desperate but bet it stinks in there judging by how long they were in there."

There was a brief moment of silence followed by another bang on the ceiling. Matt chuckled. "I don't think that's what they're doing" he said.

"Well what could they be doing up there then?" The naïve police officer questioned. Raito rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
